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Sunday, 10 June 2012

Euro 2012: Polish anti-hooligan squads equipped with testicle-biting dogs, sonic cannons that induce involuntary urination

If you're thinking about going to Poland or Ukraine and starting trouble, this should give you something to think about. Don't know about you, but I don't fancy the idea that there will be dogs trained to bite you directly in the testicles. I've become quite attached to my testicles over the years and like to keep them in working condition wherever possible. I stopped wetting myself around about aged 3 and half as well so don't fancy being forced to do it in Joe public thank you very much.

Here's the story: From testicle-biting police dogs to sonic cannons capable of inducing involuntary urination, Polish anti-hooligan squads have an array of weapons ready for potential trouble-makers at Euro 2012. The English-language Krakow Post newspaper asserted in an editorial that local law enforcement agencies were more than ready to tackle any hooligan threat at England's southern Poland base camp.

 In addition to testicle-biting dogs, law enforcement in Poland is equipped with sonic horns that induce involuntary urination and trucks mounted with water cannons to control fans who may get out of hand at Euro 2012.
                                           Alik Keplicz/AP

"The Polish police are going to come down on troublemakers like a bag full of anvils and you don't want to be there when it happens," the paper warned. 

Krakow has a long history of hooligan violence -- the local police have seen it all before and they will ruin your day if you try it on. These lads' mums and dads rioted under Soviet machine guns -- a few chairs thrown by beered-up fans is not going to intimidate them. Do not expect softly, softly police tactics.

"Poland's anti-hooligan squads are armed with: Shotguns firing baton rounds that probably won't kill you as long as you're 30m away, a truck-mounted water cannon affectionately known as ‘the typhoon', a high-tech sonic cannon that can make you wet yourself on its lowest setting, dogs trained to bite you directly in the testicles." English fans are not expected to arrive in Krakow in significant numbers, with England's Group D games all taking place in Ukraine.

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DS said...

I read some cretin on facebook predicting that English hooligans would cause carnage at Euro 2012, so far we've seen Russian thugs beating up an OAP steward and random attacks from Polish 'ultras', England fans now are largely face painted, shirters who couldn't punch a hole through a wet newspaper, if the English are targetted they will probably wish there were a few lads out there to save them from a battering! England consistently have the best behaved fans in tournaments, I can see the headlines now 'Thugs attack picinic', I can just imagine the English complaining about having footprints in their cucumber sandwiches and looking for the translation of 'Please stop hitting me' in a Berlitz phrase book.

Urban Crazy Man said...

Sorry, just saw your post.

thanks for that DS. Sorry for the delay in replying.