The Man from Del Monte...he say 'yes'

Those of you who are of a similar age will remember the advertisement for tinned pineapples (or was it oranges?) It figured a man dressed like Colonel Sanders complete with white suit and black southern style tie, who went from fruit farm to fruit farm, on an unending quest for the juiciest oranges or pineapples he could find so that you the consumer would be treated to the best his company could supply.

Unless you've been living in a tent or hiding your light under a bushel for the last two years, it will not have escaped your notice that we now have a new 'yes man' and his name is Barak Obama. He has promised a lot. Here's just a brief list of some of the things he has promised courtesy of http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/

No. 1: Increase the capital gains and dividends taxes for higher-income taxpayers
No. 2: Eliminate all oil and gas tax loopholes
No. 3: Eliminate capital gains taxes for small businesses and start-ups
No. 4: Extend child tax credits and marriage-penalty fixes
No. 5: Expand the earned income tax credit
No. 8: Include environmental and labor standards in trade agreements
No. 9: Oppose agreements like CAFTA (the Central American Free Trade Agreement) unless it has environmental and labor protections
No. 12: Create an international tax haven watch list
No. 24: End income tax for seniors making less than $50,000
No. 26: Implement "Women Owned Business" contracting program
No. 27: Change standards for determining broadband access
No. 38: Repeal the Bush tax cuts for higher incomes

In addition to those above, he has also promised to open dialogue with the remaining so-called 'Axis of Evil' countries like North Korea and Iran, to restore the good name of America that was desecrated under the Bush Administration, and to make greater opportunities available to minority groups.

Can he do all that? It does seem like an insurmountable task, and the weight of expectation is carried heavily upon his broad shoulders. So far, he is enjoying the 'Honeymoon Period' (what was called 'Camelot' during the JFK presidency) and the largely liberal media of the world supports him along with the millions who voted for him up and down America. As that left wing bastion of The Guardian, Polly Toynbee says,

'So here comes the man who says he can. It's an American mystery that this great pool of genius has usually thrown such minnows into the White House. But the monumental present danger has summoned forth a man who promises the intellect, character and power of persuasion to match the hour.'

If there's one central message Obama has brought back to America, it's the concept of hope, that we should 'dare to hope' again. Remember that story you read about when you studied Greek Mythology at school? The one about Pandora's Box?

After Prometheus' theft of the secret of fire, Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create the woman Pandora as part of the punishment for mankind. Pandora had been given a large jar and instruction by Zeus to keep it closed, but she had also been given the gift of curiosity, and ultimately opened it. When she opened it, all of the evils, ills, diseases, and burdensome labor that mankind had not known previously, escaped from the jar, but the one thing that was good that came out of the jar was hope.


Whatever your political persuasion, it's difficult to ignore the tidal wave of optimism and hope that Obama has brought back to the American political system after the disaster that was the Bush years. And undoubtedly, because of that, one can be forgiven for the rampant cynicism that has resulted.


Let's hope that he doesn't become like that movie with Jim Carrey. The story centers on a man who decides to change his life by saying yes to everything that comes his way. "Yes Man" stars Jim Carrey as Carl Allen, a guy whose life is going nowhere - the operative word being "no" - until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say "yes" to everything and anything. Unleashing the power of "YES" begins to transform Carl's life in amazing and unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance. But his willingness to embrace every opportunity might just become too much of a good thing.

Hello mate...

We all know what weird and wacky extent some people will go to in order to get in the mood for loooove! Some women like to dress up in sexy undies, prepare a candlelit dinner for two, while the man buys his lady some erotic underwear and brings home flowers, chocolate, and some wine. But compared to the animal kingdom, this is all very tame indeed!

Today we learn that mosquitoes have an elaborate courtship that involves singing sexy songs to each other. In fact, unbeknown to scientists, mosquitoes have their own individual flight tone. This is a bit like an aircraft shooting by and before the sonic boom hits your ears, you can tell that it's (a) a helicopter, (b) jumbo jet, or (c) the miniature toy remote controlled aircraft your brother got for Christmas!

According to an article on today's BBC News website, 'This love song is a "harmonic", or multiple, of their individual frequencies - 400 Hz for the female and 600 Hz for the male.' In other words, when the two mosquitoes finally get close enough to each other which signals that they are potential love partners, their wings flap together in synchronicity and as the old saying goes they 'make music together!'

Whilst this is intriguing in that it helps us humans better understand our malaria spreading friends, it spells disaster for the species, especially the dengue fever and malaria carrying variety, Aedes Aegypti and Anopheles Gambiae. The reason for this is simple. If we know how they mate, we can develop ways to interfere with that mating process and ultimately either destroy the species altogether, or at least help introduce a new strain of mosquitoes that would be relatively benign towards us humans.

One way to do that is the following, as James Morgan, Science reporter for the BBC News says, 'By creating sterile males, and releasing them into the wild, females can be tricked into mating with a partner who will bear them no offspring. If enough of these sterile insects are released over a long enough period, then in theory, the target population would decline.'

Another way to lessen the negative impact of mosquitoes is to release a large amount of those which have been genetically engineered into the wild so that they cannot transmit dengue virus. However this presents a problem in that the females will probably notice that the strapping hunk of a mozzy before her, the 'creme de la creme' of his species is not quite 'firing on all cylinders'; does not quite have as much 'lead in his pencil' as first imagined. As Professor Harrington of Cornell University, a co-author on the paper says, 'Oh, they know. Believe me, they know "We see the female kicking out at the altered male, and after a while, he loses interest.'

Here's a list of my other favourite mating rituals that deserve a 'mention in despatches':

Flying straight in at number 5 in this week's charts is...

5. Sea Hares- Three’s company
Sea hares (or sea slugs) are hermaphrodites; they have a penis on one side of the head, a vagina on the other. That said, threesomes, and even chains of more, are quite common. In a threesome, a “male” would attach his penis to the vagina of the middle hare, and a “female” would attach with the middle hare’s penis. The middle one is simply the go-between, passing the sperm through to the other. (wikipedia.com)

Moving up to 4th place in this week's charts is...

4. Patient Penguins
According to canongate.net, penguins are quite monogamous. When penguins fall in love, the ‘tuxedo-clad’ couple stand breast to breast with their heads thrown back, singing loudly with outstretched, trembling flippers. Two weeks later, the male shows his urge by laying his head upon his partner's stomach. The two then find a secluded spot for an actual intercourse process of three minutes. One and done, neither penguin will mate again that year. (Must be a north pole thing. Just like Santa- only comes once a year!)

Moving down to 11th place in this week's charts is...

11. Praying Mantis- Getting Head. Literally.
The female praying mantis not only will rip the head off her mate after sex, but sometimes she will eat it during the act. Despite losing his head, he is usually able to finish the deed. I‘d assume this is why the mantis pray, at least the males anyway! (dribbleglass.com)

And my favourite...entering (sorry 'coming in') at number...1

1. Hippos- Taking care of business
Homemade aromatherapy? Hippos attract mates by marking territory - urinating and defecating simultaneously. Then, states canongate.net, the hippo twirls its tail like a propeller, spreading his mess everywhere - irresistible to the opposite sex. Once a mate is found, the pair begin foreplay, consisting of splashing around in the water (there's nothing like taking a a quick shower together before getting down to 'business'). Remember this next time your significant other knocks on the bathroom door while you are letting off a few rounds: he she may not be intent on having a Number Two; rather, they could just be turned on.

A Bailout for the USA Sex Industry...whooa...

Has the world gone mad with all these bailouts? Or is it just America? There was a time when if you wanted something you had to work hard to get it but since the Credit Crunch and the downturn in the world economy everybody seems to be turning up to Washington with their own begging bowls.

The latest is Hustler publisher, Larry Flynt, the character played by Woody Harrelson in the movie The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996) and Girls Gone Wild CEO, Joe Francis who both said on Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry. They are asking for $5 billion because as he says, 'With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly.'



Will they get it? Will congress think this is a serious request or a quick way to get free publicity, something both men are past masters at. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex." He may have a point here, but are people really going to be happy that their tax dollars are being spent on producing porn movies and pin up spreads of semi-clad, eighteen year old wannabes? Somehow I doubt it!

All Fired Up...

Photo credit @ The Sun

Most of you will have seen or heard about the fire that engulfed a nightclub called Santika in Bangkok over the new year. Since then there have been conflicting reports about what exactly happened that night and in particular how the fire started. One interesting individual even had the gall to suggest that the fire was largely responsible because of the drinkers having alcohol on their tables. Here's my reply to that individual which was printed in the Bangkok Post (see above for the link).

Dear sir,

thanks for your interesting article. By the tenor of your comments, one assumes you are one of the shareholders of White & Co right? The owners of Santika? I think as you have expressly alligned yourself with the owners this looks remarkably like a damage limitation exercise so nobody is going to take you seriously till you make clear your stake in all of this.

I'm afraid I find your presentation of the events of that night embarrassingly inaccurate. Exploding whisky bottles? As the main cause of injuries? You also said that there are three exits which is simply not true. To blame the patrons of the club for doing what all drinkers do (drink alcohol) is quite reprehensible, too. Are they supposed to be responsible for their own safety too while they are drinking there? Isn't that the responsibility of the management? Like Plato asks in 'The Republic' - 'Who will guard the guardians?'

For me the main cause of this tragedy is the lack of a sprinkler system, lack of emergency training for staff, poor coordination of the emergency services, overcrowding, and inflammable furnishings inside. (And yes, as you rightly mentioned yourself, people standing by taking pics that they could sell when they could have been helping people escape.)

Photo credit @ Herald Sun

It reminds me of what the accident investigators often say when a plane goes down e.g. that it was not one 'single event' to blame, but a series of tandem events that all happened together resulting in the final calamity e.g. the plane coming down.

However, in this case it is quite different in that those who knew about all the potential (probable?) problems: the lack of insurance, sprinklers, fire exits etc., had a duty to fix them, but for 4 years stood by and did nothing. As the great statesman and orator Edmund Burke is purported to have said: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing". That is a completely different ball game and for me makes them utterly culpable, not just in the eyes of the law, but also culpable morally and economically e.g. for compensation purposes.

I know it won't happen till I see pigs flying across Siam BTS station, but those people should all go to a police station hand themselves in, raise their right hands and say collectively, like a Baptist choir - Mea culpa' (we are responsible for this tragedy!)

27/01/2009 - An update on this story:

It now turns out that the building was never inspected after a high ranking Thai policeman became an investor. Read the full story here - http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/local/10472/santika-left-alone-after-csd-officer-bought-a-stake

Bring out the tiger in you...

'Tiger, tiger, burning bright in the forests of the night' are the opening lines to William Blake's famous immortal poem about the fear and absolute dread people have of that most beautiful of wild animals. This weekend I checked out an amazing tiger sanctuary in the dusty hillside of Kanchanaburi, Thailand, where one enterprising abbot called Abbot Phra Phusit or 'Chan' to his friends started a tiger sanctuary.

Chan was so worried with so much illegal poaching in the area that he knew something had to be done to protect these beautiful creatures along with many others. As he says, ‘why can't we live together...after all we all have the same blood...and it's red'...A reflection by the Abbot-Pra Acharn Phusit (Chan).


For 1,000 baht (approx. 20 GBP) you can go down to the Tiger Canyon, a strange cavernous, almost subterranean area and have your picture taken with these magical beasts of the jungle, and see the ''distant deeps or skies the burn the fire of thine eyes'.

As it says in the guide brochure,

'Since its opening, Wat Pa Luangta Bua gained a reputation as a wildlife sanctuary. It started with an injured wild fowl given to the monk by the villagers, then peacocks came attracted by the calls of by then rather large colony of wild fowl. An injured wild boar stumbled in to the monastery and the monks cared for him until he could be released back into the forest. The next day he came back followed by his family group of about 10 animals. By now a countless number of boar find shelter in the monastery. Villagers also started to bring in unwanted pets: four species of deer moved in, followed by buffalo, cows, horses, wild goats and gibbons. All these animals are roaming the grounds of the monastery freely.'

It was in February 1999 that the first tiger cub arrived at the monastery . The condition of the female cub of Indochinese subspecies (Tigris corbetti) was very poor. It was only a few months old her mother was killed by poachers near the border between Thailand and Burma. After selling the cub, the new owner ordered a full taxidermy of the animal and had her stuffed. A local was hired to do the job, which luckily for the cub he did not finish. Although he injected her in the neck with the preservative formalin, the cub survived.



But if you think that's all you can see at this amazing sanctuary, you'd be wrong. There are peacocks, wild boars, horses, camels, buffalo, deer, and even a solitary leopard.



But perhaps the most interesting aspect of this place is the fact that you can actually interact with these animals on a one-to-one level. The experience is probably on a par with swimming with dolphins or riding an elephant for the first time. It's something sadly needed not like the wrestling with alligators kind of experience that Australian croc hunter, Steve Irwin, did in his TV show and who met an untimely death by forgetting the first law of nature - don't mess with wild animals in their own habitat or they are at some point likely to jump up and bite you as that stingray did with fatal consequences.



There is definitely something magical about looking at these creatures straight in the eye and even after many of them have been mistreated by humans they are still able to let you get close to them which shows a remarkable level of reciprocal trust not often seen in our harsh world of 'work produce consume'.


It makes you realise that we have lost something vital to ourselves as a species: that union with the animals that share our planet and it's only when we pay a few dollars to go to a zoo or a park or sanctuary such as the one in Kanchanburi, that we begin to realise this.

‘The Lady’s Not for Turning…’

Photo credit: @ http://forthardknox.com/

‘The Lady’s Not for Turning’ was something Margaret Thatcher famously said referring to her decision not to enter the ERM, the European Exchange Rate Mechanism which was seen as a vital fence to climbed over if the UK was to ever seriously show its intention to become a full member of Europe.

‘To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catchphrase, the "U" turn, I have only one thing to say. "You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning." I say that not only to you but to our friends overseas and also to those who are not our friends.’

Here in Thailand, Thaksin’s wife, Potjdam, has been in the news lately for all the wrong reasons because she decided that a U-turn was in fact just what she needed. Having got divorced from her husband of over 20 years, she entered Thailand (although a convicted felon from a corruption scandal). To be fair though, the divorce is widely seen as an attempt to distance herself legally from her husband in order to get access to his frozen funds. So why did she come?

This is the simple part. She came here to try to influence the election of a new government in Thailand after the previous one led by Thaksin’s brother-in-law, Somchai Wongsawat, was forced to step down through a corruption case. Just as in the old days when Thaksin himself would be seen on the TV walking round small Thai villages handing out fresh, crisp 1,000 baht notes (about 20 GBP), Potjdam’s intention was to hand out sums, much larger of course, to secure politicians’ support for her husband and ensuring that his political party would be able to stay in power. Of course we now know that this didn’t happen.

This securing of political support was important though because only then he would he have the chance to get another bite at the 2 billion dollars currently tied up in Thai banks: the product of the illegal sale of his company, Shin Corporation, to Temasek Holdings, the state owned communications company of Singapore. With his boys in power, he could easily have appointed a few favourable judges to overrule the original decision and let him have his money back. As it is, he now only has till January 4th, four days from now, to present new claims to the money and if he fails, it’s lost forever in the bottomless coffers that is the Thai state treasury.

Despite the lady’s best efforts, Thaksin looks in a desperate situation, which is why I predict a wave of bombs and general disruption in the next few days and weeks. Don’t forget the bombs that went off last New Year here in Thailand and don’t be surprised to see more.

With his closest political ally, Newin Chidchob, and all the members of his faction, having all but abandoned their relationship with Thaksin, the deadline for presenting documents to the courts to get back the 2 billion US dollars a heartbeat away, his red shirt supporters exploding (or should that be ‘imploding’) like a wet firecracker, his diplomatic passport having been removed (and a lot of talk about taking away his regular Thai one too as he’s a convicted felon now), you can see that he’s something not unlike a cornered animal (I refrained from using the word ‘rat’) though some would say that’s an appropriate symbol for the man!


Can his lady save him? Can she do a ‘mission impossible’ and somehow rescue the situation? Or should she turn and hightail it out of town? Many people believe she should, and some say that's exactly what she should do - turn and run for it like a Betty Boob character - when the trappings of wealth are gone there's not much to stay for other than to get caught up in her husband's ignominious fall from grace!

Thaksin's Day of Reckoning is getting ever closer and many people, not just Thais but also the large ex-pat community believe he is getting payback for the wrongdoings during his tenure as prime-minister. The Thais have a saying that roughly translates as 'you get what you deserve' - Som num na! Perhaps Potjdam should run and hightail it before that happens. Or perhaps like Lady Thatcher, she'll say the same thing - 'The lady's not for turning'. We'll just have to wait and see.

Handshakes ain't what they used to be...

The news about hygiene is out now and the results are disturbing. According to an article on the BBC News site - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7667499.stm scientists from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine swabbed 409 people at bus and train stations in five major cities in England and Wales. According to the research, more than one in four commuters has bacteria from faeces on their hands, an investigation suggests. The study was part of the world's first Global Hand-washing Day, dedicated to raising awareness about the importance hand hygiene plays in public health.

'We were flabbergasted by the finding that so many people had faecal bugs on their hands' said Dr Val Curtis, director of the Hygiene Centre at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine.

The further north the researchers went, the more often they found commuters with faecal bacteria on their hands - men in Newcastle were the worst offenders.

'In Newcastle and Liverpool, men were more likely than women to show contamination - 53% of men compared with 30% of women in Newcastle and 36% of men compared with 31% of women in Liverpool.' I'm deinitely going to remember that next time I'm in either of those places.

Newcastle - men 53%, women 30%
Liverpool - men 36%, women 31%
Birmingham - men 21%, women 26%
Cardiff - men 15%, women 29%
Euston (London) - men 6%, women 21%

Ugh...imagine when you are shaking hands with people which after all is a perfectly normal, sociable thing to do and they have the remnants from last night's vindaloo (via their intestines!) all over their hands!! It just doesn't bear thinking about!


However, the following data suggests that the urban myth about manual workers and laborers being dirty may not be as accurate as first thought.

'Manual workers had cleaner hands than other professionals, students, retired people or the unemployed.'

Ok...I'm off...where's the soap!